Decisions.......decisions...

I have a big decision to make. I feel like I'm definitely at the crossroads and if I go right, I'm going one direction and left is the total opposite and I found that early last week I lost a lot of sleep thinking about it and consequently all other decisions I needed to make this week seemed monumental.

I was feeling like I was on the edge of a very steep cliff on Monday, not from stress but from allergy sickness. Last year I went over that edge and straight into the hospital for four days and I was feeling like I was watching some bits of sand, pebbles and dirt crumbling down over the precipice as I toed the edge of that cliff, fear rising up and sticking in my throat. Picture me where these flowers are, yet leaning fowards against the laws of gravity, buffeted by the wind, barely hanging on by my toes and my only saving grace the thin frayed rope tied around my waist and held taught by my allergist, using all his strength to pull me back, straining against my weight and the pull of gravity.

I realize that description seems pretty dramatic but I think you now have a good image in your head as to how bad I was actually feeling on Monday. Pollen is evil, it's like my own personal kryptonite.

If I didn't have an interview scheduled for 3 pm on Monday at Stony Brook University, I would have actually called into work sick. My doc was on vacation for the entire week before and when I called to be seen that afternoon the secretary politely said "he's completely booked today" and my reply was "if I don't see him this evening at some point, he will be seeing me when he's called into the hospital" and needless to say there was suddenly room for me later on that night. I told him that I was so bad, I couldn't even exercise today and he immediately understood the gravity of my situation knowing me so well. With a course of action that including doubling some allergy meds, and adding others, including 2 over the counter meds to loosen up the mucus in my head that was plaguing me down before it turned infectious, I was home and in bed by 8 pm. I did not exercise Tuesday either. Damn pollen, getting in the way of my training and impacting my daily activities.

By Wednesday morning I felt better, swam 2500 in the pool and ran 4 tempo with a friend in the afternoon. Thursday I ran again, 5 this time outside and feeling OK. Friday was an AM swim and a ride on the computrainer and I'm glad I forced that night ride because it was the only one I got in this week. Saturday was an early day, communion for my niece so I only squeaked in a 4 miler and some yoga and today (Sunday) I struggled with deciding on whether to ride or run. I only had time for one and limited time at that so I got 9 miles in running this afternoon and it was the first day since Boston that I actually felt good. Boston really wore me out and I've been wondering when my motivation and my legs would be back to normal both of which KB insists I left on the top of heart break hill and he couldn't be more right. KB, you were also in my head this morning, reminding me not to race in training and I listened to that advice from long ago and went out for an easy run. No garmin, jut run comfortable and to my surprise I actually negative split the 9 miler which was originally only going to be 8 miles on the golf course road but I felt so good that not only did I add another mile, I ran it faster not because I had to but because I felt like it, finishing at an 8:25 pace. 9:15's for the first four miles. 8:40-45's for the second four and a fast finish at 8:25. Feeling groovy.

Coming full circle in this weekly story, back to my fork in the road cartoon above, I have a decision to make. The interview for the PhD program at SBU went well. The kind of well that when I left I had very good feelings about it. I'm glad I didn't know what to expect because it was a panel interview with me in the center, a bit nerve wracking when I realized what it would be like. It's been a long time since I've been on a legitimate interview and I felt my heart rate go up with the three pairs of eyes and ears scrutinizing me. It's a competitive program with 26 applicants and 12 spots. I will find out the results in a couple of weeks and then I really have to decide if t his is the route for me. I'm not sure if the PhD will give me the meaning of life but it will be a really hard road that will involve some sacrifice, particularly in the competitive nature of my sporting life. If I don't go that route and simply stay on the cheese and crackers road, I'll finish up my MA + 75** credits and do Ironman next year, another route towards finding the meaning of life? Maybe... what do you think?

** Of note: I have two masters degree's already. One in Physiology and one in Biology. My district gave me Masters +30 credits to encompass the two degree's. I took an additional 6 credits of inservice last year but I can't stomach taking inservice and teacher grad classes on friday night's and all weekend long. If I take another 45 credits of continuing ed courses it will cost me somewhere in the nature of 10-11K. The PhD will cost somewhere in the nature of 15-16K (and this is being conservative), roughly 5 grand more but I get the PhD and immediately go to the top end of our disctricts pay scale plus I get options. Options to do something else with it. Who knows where I'll want to be 6-7 years from now? 7 years ago I was a full time exercise physiologist in a hospital cardiac rehab program and I thought I'd do that for the rest of my life. The draw backs to the PhD is 3 years of PhD level science grad and education classes at night, a few nights per week. Then 2-3 years of intensive research for my dissertation. What kind of toll will that have on my life? My family life? My training life? The interviewers suggested that the 30 additional science credits could be taken with a physiology bend, I could incorporate my physiology background into my doctoral research within science education and that idea is extremely attractive to me. Dr. Gatz. What do you think? This is assuming that I am 1 of the 12. If not, my decision was made for me and I'm doing IMLP next year!